“What’s wrong with me, doc?” asks the patient. “My balls have turned blue!”

The doctor examines him and says his testicles have to be removed, or else he’ll die.

“I can’t let you do that!” the patient cries.

“Do you want to die?” the doctor asks. So the patient glumly consents to have his balls removed.

Two weeks later the patient returns. “Doc, now my penis has turned blue!”

The doctor examines him and reaches the same conclusion: his penis must go.

The man begins to cry. “How will I pee?”

“Simple. We’ll install a plastic pipe and that will do the trick,” says the doctor. “You don’t want to die, do you?”

Again, the man sadly consents to the procedure.

Two weeks later, the man returns again. “Doc! The pipe turned blue! What the hell is happening to me?”

“Well, I’m not really sure,” admits the doctor. “Wait… do you wear jeans?”

Jamie goes to the doctor to get the results of a health check.

Doctor says, “I’ve got good news and bad news, which do you want to hear first?”

Jamie says, “Good news first.”
“OK, You got 24 hours to live”
“If that’s the good news, what is the bad news?”
“I should of told you that yesterday!”

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt.
‘Sit down and tell me how it happened,’ said the doctor.

‘Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!’

‘Okay, I see…But that’s one ear - what about the other?’

‘They called again!!’

Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!